Friday, Friday , Friday. Where do I begin?. I went to work early so that I could get the work I needed to get done completed and then go to my appointment. It's a hours drive, straight through downtown Dallas so I left about two hours early. I figured this would give me plenty of time to get to the otherside of Dallas (which for me is like the other side of the state), have lunch with a friend and then take her with me to my appointment for moral support. I figured she would love to see the mock transfer and saline ultrasound since she is was an OB nurse and this stuff is fascinating.
I had several phone calls to make during the drive so I immediately plugged my ear piece in and made the first phone call. This was to the clinic in Maryland that has my frozen sperm. I had brought 3 vials to them from the Jones Institute (where my husband's specimens are stored) when we did the first IVF cycle. Since I knew the 3 best frozen samples were there, I figured this is where I would start. I spoke with the andrologist who told me I need to have these forms notorized and sent to her in order to make arrangments for the sperm to be sent to the clinic here. She got my email address and emailed me the form. She must have been doing this as we were speaking because I could hear the notification chime in my ear letting me know I had a new email. First call done. I knew exactly what I needed to do and in what order I need to do it in. The second phone call was to the transportation company that I would need to rent the shipper from and who will transport my sperm. This is where things go immediately south.
I called Cryobiology first at the recommendation of Shadygrove Fertility to find out how the whole shipment process works. I was informed that they would need to place a $1200 deposit onto my debt card for the shipper and the transfer fee would be $450. I almost wrecked the car. I interruped the lady and asked her if they would actually debt my account for the $1200 or just have the number to hold. She told me they would actually take the deposit then refund it when the shipper is returned. I told her it was cheaper to get a flight there and back and do it myslef. That is when she informed me that the TSA will not let me take my frozen sperm on the plane. I'm sure there is more sperm in the bathroom of a Southwest flight to Vegas than I would need to be carrying to get knocked up! Then I told her that it is cheaper to ship a car across the country! I was so upset by the time I ended the phone call that I was shaking. I barely have enough money to pay the $6500 let alone another $1650 for sperm! Un****ing believable.
I called my husband and as soon as I heard his voice, I burst into tears. His response, "they are just taking advantage of people because they know your heart is involved and they know you are going to pay it" What are we supposed to do? I looked at my red, swollen face in the rear view mirrow and I figured the people in the cars must think my grandma just died or something. No people, I'm crying over frozen sperm!
My next phone call was to the other company the andrologist recommended. Zygen or something like that. This lady told me it would be a $900 deposit that they really wouldn't take from my account and then the shipment fee would be $475. I apologized several times before I began sobbing on the phone. I swear the people around me in traffic must have really been taking in this scene: blonde girl with black makeup running down her face, sobbing and talking to herself, driving 70mph. (they can't see the earpiece hidden in my ear). By the time I hit the exit to pick up my girlfriend, I peaked at the hot mess of my face and searched around my car for something to wipe my face off with. I found Tuesday's gym towel. Don't worry, it was clean. I forgot to take it in with me. I cleaned up my face and called my friend to let her know where I was and then I just lost it on the phone with her:
Why does this have to be so ****ing hard for us! Haven't we been through enough? Haven't we suffered enough? How is it that Kate Gosslin can get a television show about having 8 kids but I can't get some assistance with my sperm transporation for a cancer survivor? Are you ****ing kidding me! Tell me how Octomom gets all this free **** and I can't get any help! WTF is wrong with this world!!!!
We went to lunch and I felt horribly nauseated while I was eating. It reminded me of when I was pregnant with Rachel walking through the grocery store on a Friday during Lent. Ugh. We went to my appointment and I tried to be optimistic. Deanna, got to meet Dallas Hair who was sporting some super hot stockings that looked more like fishnets. We had a faceoff over the credit card machine and I reluctantly handed her the Discover card with yellow stripes and a picture of a Yorkie on it. After I paid, she gave me more financial forms to sign, this time consenting to the refund policy. I actually didn't read this until I got home and now I have questions about it. Shame on me.
Finally, my appointment with the Dildo cam. While we were waiting for the mock transfer, Deanna tells me a funny story about a time when she had to have a vaginal ultrasound and the u/s tech told her to insert the probe herself. I laughed hysterically and tried not to pee on myself (super full bladder for the mock transfer). Its hard enough to get yourself off with a standard vibrator let alone insert the dildo cam into yourself! I'm sure the audience that entered the room for the procedure was wondering what the hell was so funny. Dr. Nackley, LeeAnn (dimples) and the medical assistant all entered and set me up for the procedure. Dr. Nackley explained everthing as she was doing it and even showed me how my uterus was separating when they squirted the water in there. She again was so re-assuring when she told me that she hopes we see a baby in that spot very soon. The whole procedure took less than 15 minutes. I felt some mild cramping but no pain. When it was over, Dr. Nackley told me to wear a pad (surfboard) for a little while afterwards because some of the water may leak out when I was walking around. again: hotdog down a hallway.
The medical assistant and LeeAnn took me to another room and this is where the medical assistant, bless her heart, gave me a detailed explanation on how to draw up an injection and then give myself the injection in my stomach. I didn't say a word. I just let her teach me, a nurse:who has given about 10,000 flu shots. I look over at Deanna who has started to cry. My amazing friend who is just as emotional as I. Crying over subQ injections instead of 4 bottles of wine in Vegas. I love this woman.
The appointment ended with me speaking to the andrologist regarding the delima with my sperm. She calculates the rental of the shipper from this clinic, shipment rates and estimates this with processing and fees at about $750. ****ing Friday! :(
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The Friday from hell: warning: contains explicatives. lots of them.
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